By Mark David Blum

My daughter and I waited until it was good and dark before we went down to the Midway. Going down there before dark is like taking a shower with your clothes on; it just doesn’t work. The area is filled mostly with families and young kids and the carnies are feeding on that.

The lights, the noise, the music, the sights and sounds of a real Midway don’t kick in until well after 8:00 p.m. Going to the ‘tits’ booth and getting an arm stamp, we were off.

Hopping from ride to ride was way totally cool. Finally, I got me a ride buddy big enough and brave enough to face down the scariest of thrills.

Amazingly, like some hypothetical guy I know, my darling got ill on the most innocuous ride … the swings. Coming off of there, she did not feel well and so I had another of my brilliant ideas. We went onto the Ferris Wheel so she could relax and maybe see the concert at the Grand Stands. The last time I was in this situation, hypothetically, there was an ugly scene.

Last night, I tried in my best English and Spanish to talk the Ferris Wheel operator into letting us on alone … just in case someone had to hypothetically puke. No such luck. Into the bowl we went with a family and young child. As my daughter just relaxed and enjoyed the sites and sounds and lights, I began to torment the child by telling him how afraid I was of heights. This four or five year old boy tried real hard to calm me down so I wouldn’t get sick.

That is when I noticed his father was not so much smiling anymore. Taking a closer look at him, and his shirt, I seen the logo and imprimatur of a downtown big time Law Firm. Here I am in my Trust Me Shirt, my O.O.G. black bandana, and 300 strings of beads hanging off my backpack – seated with a blue blood lawyer from a big shot firm who was all dressed up pretty and respectable. I would define it as being “lawyer-like”.

What a sight we two must have made. I introduced myself and of course he knew me. I never heard of him but that didn’t matter. He is a paperpusher behind the scenes lawyer and I don’t deal with those folks very often. After some shop talk (one reason I refuse to hang out with lawyers when I am off duty), we went back to our respective families and on with our lives.

The highlight of the evening was when we were on the Top Spin. You know that big bench ride at the end of the Midway. There was no line and I ended up seated in the middle of the front row surrounded by about 15 young girls. All the rest of the seats were empty.

As we started our slow face first descent over the crowd, I said aloud, “Hey, let’s pretend like we are all going to throw up on the crowd below.”

It worked.

As we came around face first, everybody started making the BWAUUUUUUUUHHHHH sounds; like we were all throwing up. What a riot it was to see all the laughing faces below; and the many folks who took several steps back – just in case.

Ahh yes, the Fair. Is there anything like it? Can you better enjoy and study the human condition at any other place this side of Disneyland?