By Mark David Blum

Meandering about the Fair and melding therewith, one becomes aware not of the normal, but of that which stands out. Searching for a late night munchie-fest, I spied with my Temptleton Eye a food booth from which I could not pass by.

Amongst its listed fare here at the Fair is an item called a “Walking Taco”. I had the same thought you just did … what in the world is a walking taco?

The kindly older gentleman working the booth seemed to be ecstatic to be talking to a human being. With the zeal of the midway carnie, he began to explain that a Walking Taco is a lunchbag size bag of Doritos Ranch Flavored Chips, crunched up, and mixed with meat, cheese, onions, lettuces, and salsa.

Stupid me had to ask the next obvious question …

“So, you are telling me that a Walking Taco is just a taco with crunched up Doritos in it? How do I eat it; same as any other taco and what makes it a walking taco? It sounds messy.”

(Too bad I didn’t just walk by and not stop).

Correcting my obvious misunderstanding, the vendor described the process as being he crunches up the chips in their bag, leaves them in their bag, adds into the bag all the fixins` hereinabove described, mixes it all up, and gives you a fork. Hence, a walking taco. Take the bag and walk away. As he desperately tried to make a sale, I thanked him for his time and quickly skeedaddled.

Finally I was able to satiate my appetite with best deli sandwich I can claim to have ever eaten this side of Schwartz’s or Kantor’s; a Muffalatta. (If you find it, buy it. Food for 2 ). It is made by the Cabin from La Fayette, just down Route 11 from the State Police Barracks. (Tell them the lawyer from the Fair sent you).

After eating, I wanted to take one last lap around the Midway and then out the door and home. By sheer serendipity, I passed another food booth that had another interesting item listed which even moreso piqued my curiosity. The item was called Taco in a Bag.

Hmmmm.

So I walked up and asked the young lady working there what was a Taco in a Bag. After literally two or three minutes of hemming and hawing and trying to figure it out, it was obvious that she was lost.

“You haven’t sold a lot of them, have you”, I blurted out to the rescue.

“Not any”, said she.

“Thank you”, smiled me and quickly got out of there.

Yes indeed, not only is there now available at the Fair, a bag of crap you can walk away with, but it is a virus and spreading.

That may explain the lap pool size puddle of puke outside the Main Gate after ten at night when everybody is leaving. Large enough for several Walking Tacos and based on appearances, containing the same ingredients, this pile of puke lay spreading out in front of the departing as if to say, “thank you for visiting the New York State Fair. Please come again.”