By Mark David Blum, Esq.

Admittedly I came to the Fair today, the first day, with a chip on my shoulder the size of the National Debt. On a personal level, I cannot stand that Dan O’Hara got the job for which I have lived all my life. On a more general level, I was offended by his pre Fair marketing and his plans to make the Fair more “family friendly”. Whenever I heard those horrifying words, ‘family friendly’, I immediately foresee boredom and gloom.

Arriving moments after the gates first opened this morning, Day One, I was indeed greeted by a much friendlier environment. No more Billy Fucillo and spa companies dominating the Miller Court area. There are cars and spas but no more is the Fair basing its income solely on those two franchises. Hip Hip hurray, the cracked windshield guys are gone.

About a week ago, Dan O’Hara was on a local television show and as usual, fielded one softball pitch after another and was never challenged. His stated reasoning for banning shoes and requiring shirts of all patrons was his recollection of the Fair as a child and how horrible some men looked without their shirts on. He pondered how it was always those men who should never be without a shirt on tended to be the greatest offenders.

To me, far more offensive than shirtless fat old guys, are young teen girls such as the one I saw today. Sporting a red sweatshirt, the words were unmistakable: “They Drew First Fucking Blood.” Personally, I would rather see her topless than have to see another teenager glorifying violence. As for me, I was never without my ‘TRUST ME, I’M A LAWYER’ shirt. If you saw it, you saw me as that shirt is a one of a kind.

Speaking of shirts; I want to thank all the women of every age who chose to wear white shirts and no bra. After the torrential downpour this afternoon, you all certainly brightened up my spirits. I saw a lifetime of areolas and thank every oppressive raindrop.

The other Family Friendly move by the new Fair Director is how he gave up prime exhibit spots for beer advertisers. He banned the sale of tobacco products, but has sold prime space in the Horticulture Building to Saranac Beer. Even the marching bands played the Budweiser song as they marched on by.

Again, sporting the Family Friendly environment, O’Hara has removed all the benches and seating areas from the Midway and replaced them with those tall State Police lookouts. Apparently O’Hara’s policy is to drive Fairgoers on and make parents suffer as their children ride the rides. Family friendly for whom? Certainly not for anybody who needs to rest their weary bones.

The State Fair is a lot of things to lot of People. For me, it is the rise of a nation, free of constraint, and as one carnie observed as I passed by barefooted … ‘Ladies and gentlemen, that is a free man. He loves his liberty. Free at last, free at last.” Amen brudda.

Oh yeah, barefootin at the Fair is quite doable. Apparently police have more important things to do than harass an attorney on a questionable rule. Since the Ag and Markets Commissioner controls the Fair, one would think that a rules change must go through certain procedures and Notice. Who cares; not a single police officer did anything other than smile at my shirt and ignore me with the same zeal as I did them.

Get down to the Fair. Leave the family and enjoy. After all, only eleven more days until it is over and only 363 more days until the 2008 Fair opens its gates.