A collection of short stories and short facts; all happened within the context of Day 8 of the Fair.

The day started at a sunny 57 degrees at 9:30 a.m. Summer is over.

Cigarettes at the Fair cost $7.75. I found out through pure morbid curiosity.

There was a noticeable lack of Troopers milling about the Four Tops Concert at Chevy Court. Yesterday during the Joan Jett concert, every other person in the crowd as accompanied by a trooper.

How is it that all the State Troopers working the Fair are at least 6’7” tall?

I completely missed out on the free pork being handed out by our front running candidate for governor. It came to my attention later that his campaign gave out free beer and BBQ to anybody who would come listen. I wonder if anyone did. Somehow I doubt the Clintons will invite me tomorrow either.

I did have a chance the other day to have my picture taken with Andrew Cuomo who was meandering and posing at the Fair. Can you imagine how wonderful that picture would have looked next to the tale of his campaign volunteer harassing me by telephone?

Across from the State Police Demonstration area, is a Christmas tree farmlet and a tent that sells, yes … Christmas goodies. Offensive as that concept is in the month of August, I really resent them having a plastic electric Santa going HO HO HO, I WISH EVERYONE A MERRY CHRISTMAS. Blow me, Santa. It is just too damn early to start that Christmas crap.

I love a parade; especially since some of my good friends turn up time and time again. But, ever since Ms. Yunis became Fair director, the parade has yet to start on time. That gets real frustrating after a while yaknow. Today was about the worst. Not only did the parade start 20 minutes late, but I was attacked by Fat People. First a mountain stood in front of me. Then several kilotons of cellulite smushed up against me from the left and then the right. I had to bolt between two screaming fire trucks to cross the parade route so as to save my life.

Then, I got to see another lawyer up front and being the center of attention at the Fair. No need for him to blow his own horn, I am going to do it for him. He and his quartet of fine yiddisha mommas put on a very touching performance during the dinner hour that made me ache for home. So of course, I had a falafel and hummus in honor of the mood and ambiance. By the way counselor: Just because I took your picture, I am not going to post it. Your anonymity is safe but at least I have evidence.

Finally I learned a really seriously cool and fantastic secret about the midway. This can only be done at night. If you are facing the Fireball ride, go around to the left hand side of the ride and stand with your back against the side of the machine. Wait for the ride to start. You are not going to believe what happens next. I did it twice so don’t wimp out.