Having had the morning to rest up, I gussied myself up for my princess only to find she intended on wearing sweats and an ugly t-shirt. I quickly lectured her that she aint a kid anymore and the nighttime midway is nothing like the daytime. Her mother got her re-organized and soon enough, she as was hot as any babe in the park.

We decided to take the Shoppingtown bus which was waiting for us when we got there. Our driver, nicknamed “Crash”, got us there in record time and smooth as silk. A tremendous number of seats were empty. Too many people are still paying Fair parking prices.

It did not take but 15 minutes before I was suddenly approached from behind by a State Trooper. He said, “I like your shirt”. Obviously, I said thanks. When he was gone, my date asked me if I saw his smiley butt. I asked what she meant. She said he had a fat ugly “girls” type butt; that she referred to as a smiley butt. Unfortunately, Trooper butts do not usually get my attention unless they come with breasts, so I have to confess I have no idea what she meant.

Yes, she loved the kangaroo … proclaiming repeatedly how it tasted like steak. She thought we were all lying to her about what she was eating. Newp, it was the real deal … and she kept commenting on how much like steak it was. IF you miss this BEST OF FAIR food treat, you have wasted your time. Have the Roo Sandwich. Tell them the Shark sent ya.

Speaking of great Fair food, way up at the top of the list of foods I am NEVER going to eat was found at a stand I had never noticed before. It is the fried vegetables stand. OK, that was bad enough. But when the sign said “fried pickles”, I almost upchucked the steak sandwich, wings, strawberry slushie, and other goodies upon which I had been nibbling. Who in their right mind would ever spend money on a fried pickle … even to test it.

We saw the parade; again starting more than 15 minutes late. The Mummers … the real ones from Philadelphia … at least some of them, marched gloriously in the parade. For three days in a row, Uncle Sam and his little sidekick have been notably absent from the parade. I pray all is well with Judge Paris and eagerly await his return. I hope tomorrow I can march again with my stadium horn leading the rhythm section.

I did all I could to stall and delay taking my date to the midway until it got dark. This was going to be her first night time visit to the midway. She had no idea about the chaos and the lights and the dress code and the different crowd. Long story short, she loved every minute of it. She even braved the Top Spin AND the FireBall. She learned that she can conquer any fear; just stand up to it and face it down. Ahh but to see that beautiful smile of hers as soon as the rides would stop; that was well worth every hard earned dime pissed away on overpriced rides and cheezy food.

Oh, and to the one carnie game operator … and you know who you are … my daughter won and you owe her a prize. You cheated and ripped off a 14 year old girl. I hope you are happy. Every single person I see at the Fair, every cop, every friend, every person who is anybody both at Strates and with the Fair and every time I see someone about to play your game, I am going to share with them the story of how you ripped off my kid. Only because she was there I did not get loud and abrasive. Not embarrassing her was more important than taking you out. Besides, she saw you for the worthless piece of cheating crap that you are.

There is another story, but I am waiting for ‘her’ to write it. I will share it if she does.

See you tomorrow at the Fair