Odor Eaters

By Mark David Blum, Esq.

Few are the jobs at the Fair I consider more miserable than being a restroom attendant. A day swaddled in the aroma of bodily discharges. Having to clean up where drunk lawyers miss or a full host of excrements were released by will or by force onto all the surfaces is a job I just couldn’t do. My professional skills are more for selling crap than mopping it up.

Now I can understand trying to provide bathroom services for hundreds of thousands of people scattered over a territory is a logistical nightmare. Working in such facilities horrifies me. I expect bare minimum of facilities to get the job done and get gone. I expect the building to stink and to hear noises not all from this universe. No doubt the pay for such employees is bare minimum and a big issue is made for tips as a support income.

But can you imagine a wonderful bathroom, air conditioned, where soap and hand towels are offered by a kind hearted older woman. I can only dream of a bathroom with actual hand towels, baskets of candy, and a squirt of lotion for all its users. Closing my eyes enables me to almost envision the scent of incense or fresh flowers.

Heck, this is the New York State Fair and I can rough it a couple weeks.

Oh, and in case you are wondering, all the above generosities and pleasantries are in place already at the Fair. Apparently, these services however are found in the LADIES restroom.

Why are the men ignored? Gift baskets flowers or candy after peeing all over the walls would be the perfect treat. Why do the men have to smell acrid stench of dying bacteria whilst the womenfolk are adorned with the nurturing effect of chai?

I know it takes you girls longer to use the potty based on the lines outside. Perhaps if you spent a few moments attending to what you came in for and not gathering for tea and crumpets, lines would move faster.

Nobody and I mean nobody will be given the source of this information.

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