Gender Bender

By Mark David Blum

For every species on the planet, we humans has given then names. Each species has been classified by every characteristic. For example, female dogs and female humans are both referred to as “bitches”.

I met one of each yesterday. The first was my old friend George Kilpatrick. Once quoted as saying that, “Mark Blum never met a microphone he didn’t like”, George was a colleague and someone I respected and admired. His love for me was lost with my suspension. Still now and then we run into each other and you can feel the strained conversations. It is a weird feeling to be talking to someone and thinking in the back of your mind, “I like this person but I know this person doesn’t like me.” No matter how many times our paths cross, the tension never eases up.

This year, George is broadcasting his noontime television show on WCNY live from the Fair. I say, “you go dawg!”

He made the mistake of asking me if anything was going on in my life. I told him that if he read my website he would know. Without hesitation, he said “I don’t read it”. Without hesitation, I responded that I don’t watch his show either. I did threaten to stand behind George and jump up and down and cheer him as he tries to do interviews.

The tale of the bitch is much uglier. You met her if you were a passenger on CENTRO bus #2925 yesterday. Referring to another discussion with kids and busses, at about 3:00 yesterday, the crowd for Shoppingtown was unruly and tired. Every other destination had busses coming and going. Only the Shoppingtown run was being ignored.

Then came the bitch. Her bus arrives, disgorges its load, and suddenly labels itself OUT OF SERVICE. The doors close and the driver starts to drive off to a chorus of nasty commentary of which I was among the lead singers. The bus stopped and the driver called over the 16 year old kid working for a temp agency to keep time sheets, they talk for a couple minutes and the bus drives off.

Ready? The Bitch told the temp to tell me that I couldn’t ride the bus without shoes. We all busted up laughing. The Bitch was the employee of CENTRO and should have had the courage to pass on the information herself instead of sending a child. Second, the bitch is a liar. I asked everybody employed by CENTRO management what are the rules about shoes SINCE NONE ARE PUBLISHED. As I believed: There is no rule against bare feet. Hopefully today’s genetics will be closer to humane than those critters over whom I stumbled yesterday.

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