By Mark David Blum, Esq.

Fabulous about the Fair is the vast array of foodstuffs available to stuff your face. Everything is fried in peanut oil and its everywhere. Nothing in life can replace the wide array of interesting and tasty consumables available at the Fair.

Some things I refuse to eat. Shark, out of professional courtesy and protest, is one. Deep fried pickles are another. Also outside my desire is deep fried peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, deep fried garlic mashed potatoes on a stick, and because it has 2,000 calories a bloomin onion.

Other foods I refuse to eat are foods that I can and do eat on a regular basis. Pizza and sausage sandwiches are among those. Ice cream, pasta, and felafels are others.

When I do eat at the Fair, I do try and eat new and different things. I also have old favorites. Thus far this year, among others and as best I can remember, I ate half a Bakers Chicken, baby potatoes, a roll, fried dough, several wine slushies and several bottles of Swedish Hill Cabernet Franc, handfuls of sunflower seeds, French fries, Panini, chicken nuggets, a gyro, a bite of shark, spicey shrimp and fried rice, Philly cheese steak sandwich, pulled pork sandwich, dippin dots, sausage burger, haddock, cole slaw, and maple candy. I am amazed that blood can still move about my arteries.

Most of the other exotic dishes I have tried before on previous trips. The best example is a Muffalato. Been there and done that. Besides I only had so many times, a limited amount of funds, and an unwillingness to eat til I burst. I also cheated because I would eat something at home before I left so as to stave off hunger all the more longer.

At the same time I ate the crap I did, I managed to lose seven pounds. For $49.99 I will be happy to share my secret for eating large amounts of Fair crap and losing weight.

I only had to eat crow twice. Once was when I teased a vendor about the contents of his sign and he ripped it down and threw it in the trash. I had to confess I was teasing and there really was no problem with the sign. I was just having fun. Fortunately, he was able to replace his sign. The other incident was less harmful in that I was discussing something and I said “even God rested on the seventh day”. The response was simple but actually shut my mouth. “Why?”