By Mark David Blum, Esq.
Every year at the Fair I make it my business to dedicate one night to just my daughter and myself. We do what she wants. We go where she chooses. I try and make it as much fun for her as I can; regardless of how boring or miserable it is for me.
In her younger days, it would be me nagging and cajoling her to get on this scary ride or that scary ride or try this food or that one. This year it was different. She wanted to go on the rides and I didn’t. No, it was not because I was afraid or am too old to ride. Rather I just couldn’t justify spending $5.00 for a ride. That money adds up quickly and can deflate desires to do anything else.
All week long and as we headed out to the fairgrounds, she repeatedly listed out the things she wanted to eat. Deep fried oreos, Pizza Fritte, and she wanted to go hog wild at the ‘buy-it-by-the-pound’ candy places. She also wanted a corn dog. Having spent the summer working as a lifeguard, her pockets were stuffed with enough money to do all she wanted.
When we got to the Fair I showed her where all the stuff was that she wanted to buy. She refused. She felt that it would be better if she rode the rides before she ate. I cannot say I disagree with her. So being the good dad that I am, I got twisted and turned, thrown and tossed, and flew through the air on the various rides she dragged us to. There was nothing hypothetical about it; I had a good time and managed to forget how much money I was wasting on these contraptions.
As we were sitting for a moment contemplating our next moves, we saw a kid actually win one those bicycles that are prizes at the most difficult game on the midway. Honestly, I never thought anybody won that particular game and my daughter astutely recognized that the reason the prizes were so valuable was because people just don’t win. We learned that the girl who won the bike spent over $20 in her effort. When my kid asked which game she should play, I told her to look at the prizes and then ask herself which prize was worth spending $2 to win. She quickly realized that but for the one booth with giant stuffed animals or the one giving away bicycles, nothing on the midway was worth the investment. Later on that night we met up with a guy in the line for the bus who won a stuffed animal so large, the driver made the guy pay for 3 seats just to get it on the bus.
Several years ago, the then large seller of leather goods was called the Buck and Bum. One night I discovered as did many others, that the owners of the Buck and Bum had screwed a leather wallet into the pavement on the walkway and got their jollies watching people like me think they found a wallet and bend over and try and retrieve it. Though the Buck and Bum is gone, the game continued. Walking down the midway, I saw what I thought were three quarters laying on the ground. Unable to resist, I bent over to pick them up only to learn that they were glued to the ground. Someone was having a joke at people’s expense. As I stuck around for a couple minutes, I saw that I was not the only one duped by the gag. It is a great Fair gag and works every time.
At the buy-it-by-the-pound’ candy place, my daughter was in heaven. She has her basket brimming with all her favorites and was having so much fun trying to pick and choose what to add into her collection. It was there I saw a candy I haven’t seen since my childhood and one which I thought had been banned. Candy Cigarettes. When I was a kid, it was no big deal to buy a box of candy cigarettes which were either gum or hard candy. Somewhere along the way, the anti smoking brigades convinced somebody that selling candy cigarettes to children would somehow cause them to be smokers as adults. While indeed I am a smoker, I can hardly blame the candy cigarettes I had as a child. I didn’t like them very much. I would much rather blame my parents as both of them were smokers. Ultimately however, I myself am to blame for my smoking and not candy or other people. I was just surprised to see available for sale boxes of candy cigarettes. Unless the candy sellers are dumping candy that has been on the market for 20 or 30 years, I have no explanation for the sudden appearance of this anti social dangerous candy. My daughter bought a box just for kicks. I told her she was wasting her money.
Though we ran from one end of the fairgrounds to the other, my daughter kept asking me what was so special about the fair that I went every day. I tried to explain that when you are on the move and running to and fro, you don’t see anything. But, I said, if you stop and just watch, you can on occasion be highly entertained. To prove that point, we came to a rest on the boxes of wood at the Dinosaur BBQ.
Suddenly we both noticed what appeared to be a Mummy. Amidst a gaggle of highly intoxicated persons stood one completely wrapped head to toe in what I thought was toilet paper. People were laughing and taking pictures and talking loudly and having fun. It wasn’t toilet paper but a large roll of paper towels. Then the roll went airborne as someone threw it (and I was imagining how someone could have been hurt had it landed on them). Paper unrolled and was everywhere. Then the drunks began to play soccer with the roll, unraveling it all over the walk way. To shouts of “keep it going”, passersby would nudge the roll further and it would unwind more. Ruining the game was a Dinosaur employee who walked up, picked up the roll and its remnants and tattled to the State Troopers who dine for free at the Dinosaur. By the time police arrived on scene, the drunks were just meandering about and laughing and talking but not doing anything – so there was nothing police could do but ride their bikes around in circles for a few minutes before peddling off.
The Fair is indeed a child’s playground. Though you don’t have be a kid in age, it really helps to be one at heart. Having a child’s heart beat in your chest makes the entire experience bigger, brighter, and infinitely more fun.
