By Mark David Blum, Esq.
By snooping in on a conversation yesterday, I was rewarded by hearing some fascinating tales of life in the military during the pre Viet Nam era. It was veterans day at the Fair and the bus on which I rode was filled with plenty of former soldiers. Two guys next to me were engaged in a “what did you do in the war” conversation and my prying ears were glued to their every word. It seems that both of them were on the troop train with Elvis Presley as it rode to Fort Hood and each reminisced how Elvis had to be sequestered in a private section of the train to avoid the crowds and women. The only time trouble broke out, I heard, was when the train came through Memphis. One of the two followed Elvis on the ship and in theater as they crossed the Atlantic and landed in Europe.
One of the two former soldiers was an MP and the other was with the Second Armored Division. I learned that the Second Armored Division was nicknamed, “Hell on Wheels”. What I also learned was that despite the militaristic sounding nickname, the moniker itself was an insult to the division. Apparently while these tank crews were training in the U.S., there were not enough tanks available for training and at one point as the division was coming over a ridge, the lead vehicle was a Pepsi truck. From that event, where tank crews were training with cargo trucks came the nickname “wheels” and later, Hell on Wheels instead of Hell on Tracks.
One of the two confessed he was coming to the Fair because he was a big fan of Lee Greenwood, the singer starring in the 2:00 p.m. concert. The other flatly stated he was coming to the Fair that day because he could get in free because it was Veterans Day.
Another rewarding event was the dedication at the fairgrounds of a new Korean War addition to the military court of remembrance in front of the Horticulture Building. Attended by dignitaries ranging from Congressman Dan Maffei to the Commander of the U.S.S. New York, much was said about the so called “forgotten war” and how we will never forget those who served and fought for what we then thought was the right thing to do. I listened to all the speakers except the President of the New York State Senate because after the fiasco and takeover bumbling of earlier this summer, I have lost all respect for any sitting State Senator. Though two assemblypersons spoke, Al Stirpe and William Magnarelli, Dave Valesky wouldn’t dare stand up and utter a word. As usual he probably had nothing worthwhile to say. After a 21 gun salute and the playing of Taps, everybody but the Congressman headed to the Empire Room for a supposedly lavish political feast. I took advantage of seeing Congressman Maffei wandering in the opposite direction and stopped him quickly enough to tell him that as a constituent, I encouraged him to not allow the public option to be dropped from the pending health care reform debate. He smiled, thanked me and headed off.
The award for the worst joke at the Fair goes to the clown who works in the dunking booth. His diatribe is trite and miserable and nothing he says is either provocative or funny. I will never understand why people pony up $2 or $5 to throw balls at a target to dunk the clown when there are no prizes to be won and nothing to be gained even if you hit the bullseye. Still, amongst all the rhetoric and blathering of the clown, he tossed out this one: “What do Dale Earnhardt and Pink Floyd have in common? Their greatest hit is the Wall.” I wasn’t sure whether to be offended or laugh my ass off. Instead I just meandered off.
For the weirdest food at the Fair, the award has to go to the deep fried garlic mashed potatoes. No, I did not try them. The thought of doing so was already hardening my arteries and giving me an ulcer.
On the subject of food: I would give the award for the biggest rip off at the Fair to Santillos. I walked up and ordered what I thought was a routine menu item, a Philly Cheese Steak sandwich. The sign said the cost was $8.00. When the employee returned me $11.00 from my $20, I asked where was the other dollar. He told me that peppers and onions cost extra. I checked the price list and saw no such mention and felt totally ripped off. I should have shoved the sandwich up the guy’s ass but instead I just sat down and ate and jotted down a note to be published here. For the record, the sandwich was terrible and the cheese part of the sandwich bore no resemblance to any cheese product I have ever seen. Save your money. For fifty cents less, you can get a full pulled pork meal from the Dinosaur BBQ.
I was truly impressed and felt a very special award should go to the Indian Village. As you approach it and move about inside the grassy knoll, there are signs everywhere declaring the Village to be “Drug and Alcohol Free”. Kudos to them. It would appear that the State Fair Indian Village has managed to achieve what even our nation’s most secure penitentiaries cannot. I always wondered how if we cant keep drugs out of our prisons, how we would ever keep them out of a free society. Somehow, the Indians have succeeded. Perhaps they can share their secrets with the rest of us.
All day long my phone kept ringing demanding I put on my lawyer hat. One call came in that totally surprised me. It seems I have been rewarded with a free trip to Las Vegas to attend a surprise wedding. I get to spend a whole day flying there arriving sometime in the early afternoon, attend the wedding in the evening, and the next morning catch the first flight out. Nearly 20 hours of flying time for a brief ceremony and a feast. At least I get to give the bride away. Now if I can just convince her to at least get to know the guy a little better, maybe even live together for a while, the marriage may last a while longer. They have been together as a couple for only 30 years. Who knows, maybe the bride can make a run for it at the last minute.
Another call that came in also gave me a personal reward. I have always believed that a true friend will give of themselves when called upon and will do so out of pure love for that friend. The sister of a friend died and my friend needs to drop everything and leave town for a couple days to be at the funeral and with his family. He needed someone to likewise drop everything and stay at his house to babysit his children … er dogs. Of course I agreed as there is nothing I wouldn’t do to help out a friend. Giving up two days of my life is the least I can do to ease the stress and suffering. But alas, it is going to cost me my last two days at the Fair.
All in all, the Fair has had some very rewarding experiences. Despite Dan O’Hara’s attempt at sanitizing the event, there is still fun and joy to be had. Although the Fair has yet to achieve an award winning status, I still look forward to being rewarded with the richness of life experiences that come from 12 days of being swallowed up in a sea of humanity.
