By Mark David Blum, Esq.
Another day at the Fair filled with heart stopping thrills, chills, spills, and drills. I wonder sometimes how crazy I must be to risk heart and limb meandering about the Fairgrounds during the “dog days” of the Fair. Yesterday was one of those great days that reminds me what going to the Fair is all about.
Moving about and finding things of interest from moment to moment can itself be a challenge. My heart was ready to race then stop as I checked out the wakeboarding exhibit. The show is about three guys on wave runners (the water version of a snow board) who are pulled on a motor driven hand held harness that yanks them along a rising incline and they can do their flips and twists and land safely in a pool of water making sure they splash the spectators in the process. Of the three guys who took turns showing off their momentary skills, the one who caught my eye was the poor schlub who had to take the handle from the wakerboarder and run it back to start so the next guy can get his pull. I really tried to find interest in this demonstration show. Instead of heart stopping action the show was as interesting as a pat of butter sliding off toast.
The weather did not cooperate with the Fair yesterday. It constantly rained and a cold wind was blowing. Grotesquely underdressed for the occasion, I suffered and whined about the frigid environment. This is not the Fair; it is not the end of summer. Where was the sweltering heat that drives up drink prices and makes the Fair experience unbearable? There is a game that is played in some rural communities called “cow patty bingo” where a section of a field is cordoned off and then lines are drawn with numbers put in the resulting boxes. When a cow takes a crap in a box, it is akin to a caller shouting out a bingo number. During the downpours at the Fair and because of the cold wind, I spent most of the day playing my own version of State Fair Building Bingo. I just ran from building to building.
Of course in the health building I stopped in for a blood pressure check. My own blood pressure has been going a bit haywire of late so I thought it would be a good idea to have it checked so I can see how I am doing. The numbers I got were not a welcome sight and far too high for comfort. I think I am getting high blood pressure from worrying about my high blood pressure.
Then there was the guy who sat down at a table with me who had his own heart attack. Carrying a plate full of pasta and sauce, just as he was about to set his plate down, it must have tilted slightly because all his spaghetti slid right off his plate onto the table. I felt bad for the guy having just spent his retirement in buying a dish of food but to lose it all at the last moment was surely a heart stopping event. Though I smiled and giggled, I told him the three second rule applies and to just go ahead and scoop it back onto his plate and I wouldn’t tell anyone. It was obvious he struggled with the choice he had … go buy a new plate or just say the “hell with it” and regather his droppings. After a few moments of contemplation, he went after his droppings and reloaded them onto his plate.
During another building stop, at the Time Warner exhibit, I made sure to back to my ways of old. They have computers with internet access that the public can use (so as to see how fast that roadrunner is). Going from machine to machine, I kept changing the default homepage to www.markblumreport.com so that folks who went online first came to my website. This is an annual tradition that could not be missed. It filled my heart with joy to see the computers come to life with my web page on them.
For the second time in two days I made the effort to go see the Army virtual experience out by the grandstand. Nevermind that the line takes forever because I believe the show inside lasts for a while, it was one of the few things at the Fair I had yet to experience. After 20 minutes or so in line, an Army person came along and told everybody to make sure they had photo ID ready when their turn came up. I asked why we needed photo ID, were they drafting people for Afghanistan? The response was that it was necessary for their “database” before you could access the exhibit. Now I will show ID to buy cigarettes and alcohol. I will show ID to get into buildings when I have to work. But there is just something wrong with showing ID and having the data entered into a computer run by my government. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. It is just fundamentally wrong to have the government at the Fair gathering up names and ID. A couple minutes later, my heart was no longer in the game and I got out of line.
A real Fair thrill was the 6pm parade. Unlike the predecessor parade of a day earlier, this parade started off with a bang as I saw the Central New York Police and Fire Marching Band round the bend with horns blaring. They were neat, tight, and got the show going with a great start. All in all, the parade that followed was one of the better ones I have seen and it warmed the cockles of my heart to see something at the Fair that did not disappoint or cause pain.
Another Fair day for the record books and another day with a child’s heart filled with joys, sights, and sounds of the Fair. My heart beats happily for the street performers signed this year as they provide at times beautiful and amazing distractions from the mundane. As I look forward to my return to the fairgrounds, I can only wonder what event or experience will get my heart racing. Sometimes I think just being there is what keeps my heart beating.
