By Mark David Blum, Esq.

Much touted amongst the new exhibits this year is the “Giraffe Zoo”. This was an exhibit that I had to see. Searching out in the infield, I finally came upon the zoo and animal shows. There was a pig race, and well there was a pig race.

In an adjoining tent was the zoo itself. The first thing you notice is that this is not a zoo but a tent housing a handful of goats, a zebra, and two giraffes. If two giraffes make a zoo then my understanding of what constitutes a zoo needs a serious rewrite. At a minimum, I felt badly for the two giants trapped in a 10 x 10 foot cage.

But these aint no ordinary giraffes. They are well trained to respond to food gifts from the public. Signage says the giraffes prefer carrots and I think whoever is running the exhibit sells carrots to feed the giraffes.

It is what happens next that did not escape my view nor my skewered mind. The routine of feeding the giraffe is that they reach their long neck over the top of the cage and lower their head down to the level of the carrot feeder. They then open their mouths and stick out their tongue to gather up the goodie.

When the giraffes stick out their tongue, it wiggles and jiggles and waggles back and forth like a footsie wootsie. It was as obscene and erotic a site to behold that can be imagined. My mind immediately flashed to the various places a person, especially a woman, could stash a carrot and how might the wiggly jiggly tongue of the giraffe have a dramatic impact. They would be in the superstar league of cunninglinguists. I of course would want to be there to video the entire escapade.

If your journeys take you to see the giraffe zoo, take a moment and watch them feed. If you are a horney dirty minded old man like me or just a horney lonely woman, have some fun with carrots and let your mind run amuk. Just don’t go expecting a zoo unless you are talking about your reaction to the wiggling jiggling lapping giraffe tongues.