Be It Resolved in 2009
Back to the MarkBlum Report
By Mark David Blum, Esq.
I stand at the precipice of a brand new year
Pondering the future. One of tears? Or of cheers?
Is there a course? What is the way?
How can I deal with the dawn of this day?
Those New Yearís promises? Those Resolutions to keep?
It is not very long before tossing them in the heap.
With the dawn of a New Year all ready to pounce
I have decided to resolve; affirm and announce
Instead of the usual fanfare and glee
About the efforts to make a much better me
Instead of the promises that I will make and be broken
To avoid all that depression from failing and chokin`
I got a much better idea. I do. Try it and see.
For just once in your life, try and emulate me.
Do not swear the old oath to change and be better
Swear instead a new oath and be true to each letter.
I do solemnly swear that that my resolutions are NOT
I promise to faithfully follow this lot
I will NOT give up smoking. I cannot and wonít
I will not be stop my swearing; like a sailor in a boat
I am not going to be nice. I refuse to get along.
Just that same old grumpy man; loud as a gong
I will drive as I please, fast and all over the block
Get out of my way and go suck a sock!
I refuse to renounce an iota of my snobbery
And my new rates will be pure highway robbery
Those who depend on me or up look up and admire
I will fail you and ignore you; until you grow weary and tire
There will be no free rides, no help and no friends
I would rather suffer diarrhea, syphilis and the bends.
There is no reason to be better and it will NOT be my goal
Improving on perfection is an impossible toll
I refuse and will NOT watch my diet and my weight
How can I otherwise maintain my fine gait?
I am not going to be thrifty. I will not save a red cent
(Should I actually earn one sometime before Lent).
I am sorry to disappoint you, but these are the facts
No truth and no honor. Donít even bother to ask
Never. No way. NOT a chance in high hell.
I would rather be punished. Spend a year in a cell
Face dear friends, these resolutions are true
And if I should break them, it only benefits you.
The one thing I should mention which I almost forgot
I love each and every one of you. The entire motley lot
No need to resolve that, as it is already a fact
Now get out of my face. (How is that for some tact)?
It is always a far better thing
to have peace than to be right.
But, when it is not,
or when all else fails
LAW OFFICES OF
MARK DAVID BLUM
P.O. Box 82
Manlius, New York 13104
Always, at your service.