By Mark David Blum, Esq.
I stand at the precipice of a brand new year
Pondering the future. One of tears? Or of cheers?
Is there a course? What is the way?
How can I deal with the dawn of this day?
Those New Year’s promises? Those Resolutions to keep?
It is not very long before tossing them in the heap.
With the dawn of a New Year all ready to pounce
I have decided to resolve; affirm and announce
Instead of the usual fanfare and glee
About the efforts to make a much better me
Instead of the promises that I will make and be broken
To avoid all that depression from failing and chokin`
I got a much better idea. I do. Try it and see.
For just once in your life, try and emulate me.
Do not swear the old oath to change and be better
Swear instead a new oath and be true to each letter.
I do solemnly swear that that my resolutions are NOT
I promise to faithfully follow this lot
I will NOT give up smoking. I cannot and won’t
I will not be stop my swearing; like a sailor in a boat
I am not going to be nice. I refuse to get along.
Just that same old grumpy man; loud as a gong
I will drive as I please, fast and all over the block
Get out of my way and go suck a sock!
I refuse to renounce an iota of my snobbery
And my new rates will be pure highway robbery
Those who depend on me or up look up and admire
I will fail you and ignore you; until you grow weary and tire
There will be no free rides, no help and no friends
I would rather suffer diarrhea, syphilis and the bends.
There is no reason to be better and it will NOT be my goal
Improving on perfection is an impossible toll
I refuse and will NOT watch my diet and my weight
How can I otherwise maintain my fine gait?
I am not going to be thrifty. I will not save a red cent
(Should I actually earn one sometime before Lent).
I am sorry to disappoint you, but these are the facts
No truth and no honor. Don’t even bother to ask
Never. No way. NOT a chance in high hell.
I would rather be punished. Spend a year in a cell
Face dear friends, these resolutions are true
And if I should break them, it only benefits you.
The one thing I should mention which I almost forgot
I love each and every one of you. The entire motley lot
No need to resolve that, as it is already a fact
Now get out of my face. (How is that for some tact)?
