By John Q. Public Smith Anonymous, Esq.

As is the rest of the civilized world, I too am grossly appalled at the insanity of the Sudan and its Muslim code of law and morality. For those of you who have been in a drug or alcohol induced haze, let me boil it down to its gravy: A British woman who gave of herself to leave the comfort of her home and help bring enlightenment to classes in the Sudan was arrested. The charge was she insulted Islam and the Prophet Moohammed. Specifically, she asked her class to help name a class teddy bear and one boy suggested the toy be named after the boy, Moohammed. The class voted and the Teddy Ruxpin became Moohammed.

Apparently in that nation and under the religion of Islam, it is blasphemy to name an animal after the prophet. Notwithstanding Moohammed is the most popular boy’s name in the world, still naming an animal as such is considered extremely sacrilegious. In a nation run by a single party based on a single religious ethos, you find religious morality legislated in law. The teacher was arrested and convicted for her crime. She faced 40 lashes but was sentenced to 15 days in prison. While thousands marched the streets demanding her execution, the teacher actually is quoted as saying she would continue to teach at the same school if given a chance.

Let us forget for just a minute that the Mooohammed was not an animal but was rather a toy. Let us also forget that the teacher did not make the decision; democracy won the day. Finally, let us forget that the teacher offered to make amends and change the name. None of that matters in a Nation State where religion infects civil law.

I truly respect my Muslim brothers and their right to be offended as called for in their paradigm. It is not my place nor yours nor anybody’s to pass judgment on the religious and moral beliefs of anyone. Whether it is naming a pet Mooohammed or placing the Ten Commandments at the Court House Steps, or legislating issues such as sex, drugs, gambling, or lifestyle; enabling the forces of religion to take over civil society presents a dangerous threat. In the Sudan and elsewhere in the Middle East, we see this over and over. Ask Salmon Rushdie.

At the point of a gun or through paying massive amounts of money and homage, we are never to bring enlightenment to the ignorant. By “ignorant” I refer to the class of people who believe they have the moral imperative to insist that the rest of humanity live by their standard. We allow people to believe in their Gods or in the absence thereof.

Where a line has to be drawn is when belief turns into action. You may believe that marijuana is your holy grail and brings you closer to your god. Possession of marijuana is illegal and hence, your belief has to stay in your head. If your religion calls for human sacrifices, we are not going to allow you to act upon your beliefs. We will not stop your belief that Satan is the great savior, but I will be damned if I will allow Easter to be a National Holiday.

Since under the Logan Act, it is illegal for me to try and find a way to educate the Sudanese Government and most Sharia’a based governments, I am relegated to this page and the limits of American Freedom. Here in America, the right to swing your fist ends at the tip of my nose. But my right to write and be heard does not end at the corneas of your eyes or the hairs sticking out of your ears. There is no right not to be offended. Hopefully, you were because I too am very offended. It only took the Catholic Church 500 years to confess that Galileo was right. How long before Islam realizes that the death penalty for every perceived slight to their God or religion or lifestyle is an obnoxious and self defeating policy?

So here is my protest. Here is my message to all of Islam and those would slay a teacher for such an innocent act. I call upon all civilized human beings who are pet owners or who come into contact with animals, to name or call the animal Mooohammed. If these crazed right wing religious conservatives would be overwhelmed by a world wide movement of shaming, then perhaps they might rethink their position. Believe what you will, but your practice needs modification. Already Bill Keller, host of LivePrayer, has posted a video on YouTube featuring a pink, toy pig named Muhammad after the Muslim prophet.

Now if you will excuse me, I am off to a party where the host has two gorgeous dogs and a cat; all shortly to be re-named Moooohammed. Join me.