By Mark David Blum, Esq.
(2001)

Police, friends and concerned others come crashing through the bolted door. But, it was too late. They know it before they entered and their suspicions are confirmed by the putrid sweet smells of fresh gunpowder in the air. Death has visited this house. Another soul has been stolen.

In the closet, hidden behind old clothes and other memories, they find the body. I wont tell you there was much of a head as a closely fired gunshot is not merciful to the onlooker. No bullet, however, could blast away the grimace of pain that was worn on the face prior to his death. The body was still in the process of dying. The heart, long ago, had ceased to give the body joy.

Clutched in the non-shooting hand was a note. The strength of the body’s death grasp on this page surprised the clean up party. As the body was slowly removed from the closet, it took two attendants to pry open the fingers. The dead will not feel bones being broken. No mercy was shown as the document was removed and handed over.

Amazingly enough, the dead was not really. His body lay there, broken bloodied and being packaged for processing. In the corner though, sitting alone, shivering from the cold and still in a daze, sits the soul. Watching the activities as if it were a documentary. “Here, we can see the body being placed in the bag where it will be transported for an autopsy and pauper’s burial. Note how the professionals treat the body with dignity.” Obviously, these attendants care more for the body than did its owner. The soul, still watching, cringes in pain.

The note is opened and read. Before the first words are out, the mundane chores of the cleanup crew are rudely interrupted. A scream, at first low and mournful, but then building in intensity invades the room. Everybody remains frozen in place as they feel the cry of a broken heart reach for the ears of the forgiving Gods. The soul, still shivering, is likewise woken from his selfish pain and takes notice of the unholy noise.

“Its her”, someone says quietly. The in-charge persons approach the broken hearted woman as the worker bees resume their mopping up. Nobody notices the soul sitting there. Nobody can hear his own silent screams of violent pain. While the pain of death may last but a moment, the soul carries that pain with it always. While the woman writhes in the pain of her sudden loss, the soul sits there crying quietly.

The woman, now sedated, lays quietly weeping in her bed. Hours have passed since the last of the crews left and her friends and wellwishers paid their respects. There comes a time in death, when a person has to be alone with the emptiness. This is the woman’s time. Her tears soaking the pillow, she falls quietly into a restless sleep. The note lays haphazardly on the night stand.

Souls cannot rest once released from the body. The first lesson they learn is one never taught in mortal life. “Pain”, in its infinite forms, scars not only the body but also the soul and thus is carried forth into eternity. Killing the body to escape the pain has been a long held mortal misunderstanding.

The empty and freshly released soul stirs from his seat. He no longer has the human form as protection and for warmth. He is exposed to the elements and vulnerable to light. His heart …… wait a minute … there is none. Standing, sorta, the soul moves across the floor to her sleeping form. As in his human form, the being lowers himself to what should have been well worn knees but in reality, he merely became closer to the floor. Inches from her suffering, her breathing labored and deep, whimpering still between inhales, he tries to touch her lips with his own. A soul has no such thing and he merely passes through her. Stunned, he quickly relocates from his position and remains firm against a far wall.

Slowly, the realization comes over him. His time here is over. A summons is coming from “out there” and he cannot resist it. Yanked from this reality, he suddenly finds himself in another one. Unknown, empty, silent … a new presence overcomes him as he struggles for a bearing.

What feels like a voice, but it is not a voice as mortals may understand the meaning, but something within him, outside of him, stronger than him, starts to speak. He is thanked for his service and told that his rewards await him. The voice offers him an eternity of peace. Finding it within him somehow, the soul cries out with all his energy. “nooooo!!!!!!!!”

“I am not ready. I cannot go. There is no peace for me without her! That is why I am here now. My mortal being and the life that went with it, found themselves taken away from her. The body couldn’t handle the cold. The heart could not beat without her near. So the mind went insane and ceased the mortal existance with one bullet. I cannot now merely go away for the entire exercise was but my chance to give her the one thing I always promised her. Having lost her body and her heart, I tore out my soul to give as one last futile gesture of my love and need for her to be with me always. I cannot now go.”

Laughter. From where? From whom? From what? “Ahhh yes, another stupid one.” And in an instant, the soul is back in the room watching over the sleeping beauty. Moving his form back onto the bed, close up to her warm and now deeply sleeping form, the soul rests and remembers …….

Three days earlier, the world was perfect. Plans were coming together. Their every dream and fantasy was about to come to life. Even the plane tickets were first class because they wanted their every moment from the first to the last, to be wonderful. Puerto Rico was their desired destination. Her spanish skills and latina blood coupled with his desire for heat and ocean made it the perfect place.

Weeks were going to be spend in exploration of each other. Days on the beach, roasting under the sun. Nights filled with lights, dancing and nude swims. The talks, the sex, the food, everything …. it was going to be storybook perfect.

He dreamt of it for so very long. Perhaps, the greatest event was to be the moment she collared him, permanently, forever. He even wrote her a poem that he intended to read as she snapped the locket on the collar shut for the last time.

At this treasured moment
As the world narrows so very small
As everything else ceases to be
As we become enclosed behind a wall

My love, today I have given you
The greatest gift I can
Today my head is lowered down
I have become your boy. Today I am a man

The sight of you standing over me
The feel of your strong hand
The sounds of the buckle locking You own me with this band

I want to take you as my wife
And I as your loyal and honorable spouse
As you seal our fate and collar my throat
My heart is your world. My body, your house.

Today, as never before
I feel true love and release
Today and forever more
My goal is for you to please

We have come so far and through so much pain
Walls and hills and rough terrain
They have fought us, hurt us, taken our cash
Yet here we are, me leashed with your sash

We have made it. Yes we did.
A beautiful future awaits
And now that I am forever more yours
Lets enjoy Day 1 and all the subsequent dates

I pledge to you my unquestioning love
I pledge to you my heart
I will pledge to you each day of my life
I give you everything, my soul

A scream, so horrible and loud broke the being’s thoughts of sun and sand. The woman had awoken and instantly felt the pain of her loss. Instantly, the adoring spirit reached around to hold and comfort her. Of course, not feeling his efforts, the woman sits upright in bed, her face in her hands, and she continues to sob quietly.

He whispers in her ear. Its ok baby. This is for you, my love. I have set you free. Do you not feel this last final gift I gave to you? In my death, were you finally released. Of course the woman cannot hear and continues her silent weeping.

In life, they were trapped. They loved each other passionately. Dreams and passions were shared so beautifully. Their lives were in synch to finish all of eternity as the one great true love. In each other they found true happiness, comfort and peace.

The Goddess brought them to each other. Two very lonely and broken souls who found in each other a complete and true meaning to life. She coached and guided them until they found the love that burns hot and deep. They were allowed to feel pure release and joy in each other. Yet, it was not told that this gift was a limited one.

The spirit moved about the sullen woman. He say how she ached and how she was so deep in pain. It was becoming very obvious to him that he could not help her. He was unable to touch her. The horror of his having failed this last effort was beginning to set in and freeze what remaining energy he had left.

To anyone who knew them and saw them, they were the perfect couple. Her flamboyant flaming heart was afire in her work. She gave so much of herself to her students. Not only did she educate and guide them, but she loved them so very much. They and their success were her life. From them and their achievements, she found validation and satisfaction. Admired from afar and loved by everyone, the woman was so perfect as to be almost fiction.

He on the other hand, drew only ire and spit. His was a world of combat, pain, anger, and common thievery. He thrived not on the pain, but on the achievements. He drew a great deal from overcoming the adversity, from slaying the giants and from having someone who would love him if he did good. His work was completely selfish and any good done for his fellow man was a by-product of his masochistic greed.

v But together, they rose above the pettiness of most and became a perfect union. Between them, no enemy could conquer them and no pain could overwhelm them. Their strength, trust and love defeated every effort to make them anything but wholesome and good. Many were jealous and sought to destroy them. Most, however, were just simply green with envy.

Nobody expected it to happen. It came as a complete surprise. And amazingly enough, it came about when everything went according to plan. Together they worked so hard to build a future, to find peace and comfort, and to heal each other from the pain. It worked. It worked too damn well.

It was when she healed and her full strength returned, that the first signs of trouble started. Being strong and confident, having let go of the guilt and the anger, suddenly opened her eyes. She loved her boy very much but suddenly, the world was no longer right for her.

See, she was healed. With new vision, she looked at him and saw a constant reminder of her ghosts and her pain. His desires to give were suddenly symptoms of his own insanities. His adoration and need for her love suddenly became a chore and she saw him as weak and later, insignificant.

Ultimately, she became everything she could ever be. In his efforts to free her, he succeeded. In her freedom, she realized one day, that he was no longer needed. If she did not need his help any longer, then of what value is he to her? Her eyes suddenly showed him as nothing but an ugly reminder of everything from which she had run away and sought to change.

Slowly, the passion died and the rifts grew. Try though he might to keep her happy and to satisfy her needs, she was moving away. The harder he worked, the more it repulsed her. Until one day, she looked at him and saw nothing but ugliness.

His phone rang yesterday morning. It was her. They “had to talk”. She told him that Puerto Rico was not possible. He was told that she loved him but that she needed to move on. She let him down as easily as she could. But, he died nonetheless.

He begged her to let him love her. He offered her his body as a slave. He begged to suffer her pain just so she would love him and hold him close. She rejected his body. His mind, was warped. His heart was breaking. He had nothing left to give. As quickly as they had met, she was gone

His soul was the one thing she had not taken. It was the one thing he still had to give. If she would not have him in this world, then perhaps he could spend eternity watching over her as her guardian angel. So what she finds other loves and experiences greater joys than any he showed her? By freeing his soul from its earthly confines, he thought he could forever watch over her and this way, find his own peace as her unseen watchdog. So, he crawled into his closet, wrote her a brief note, and blew his fucking brains out.

And the Gods laughed. They knew he would never be at peace. They knew he could not do as he wished. They knew he would come crawling sooner or later.

That time came within moments after she got up to make some coffee. The crying soul felt something reach up from within him and tap him on the shoulder. Of course, it wasn’t a real tap. It sure did feel real. Seems the Gods were calling him home.

He arrives to find them again offering him an eternity of peace and freedom from the pain. He is told of the wonders of the hereafter and is asked if he wishes entry. Again, he refuses.

He wants his last wish. He wants to give her his soul. He dreams of only to sit at her side and watch over her for all eternity. His love never died. His desire for her and her happiness is his only remaining goal.

Well, wait a minute. This is his apartment, is it not? Why is she in his bed? Why is she crying so much and so torn apart. Did she not let him go and walk away in search of another? Was he not ugly and dirty? That scream when she came in and found him and the one when she just awoke; they were the screams of a tortured and dying being. Why? Where is this coming from?

She is coming in from the kitchen, clearly not paying attention to the scalding coffee falling on her flesh. Its just a small burn and could in no way overpower the emotions raging at the moment. He watches her sit, set down her cup, and start to re-read the note. It said

There once was a boy
A very lonely boy
Who was wandering through life
with Very little joy

His Colours were black
as the sea at night
his beautiful eyes
refused to show him light

But then one day,
she showed him right
she took his heart
to an absolute height

She took his hand in hers
and led him down the path
she made him feel complete
and she softened his inner wrath

The world was at his feet
the wind blew in his hair
He felt his life returning
with a joy that was so rare

But then one day
She turned away
she took back her love
and left him feeling betrayed

Green turned to grey
the clear turned to haze
the twinkle in his eyes
slowly began to fade

The boy’s eyes closed tight
His heart refused to beat
the winds and storms came
and beat him to his feet

He raised his arms to heaven
And his body began to pray
Why am alone now
don’t let me live this way

It would break anybody’s heart to see how she hurt at this moment. As the paper falls to the floor, she gets up and meanders over to the window. Muttering to herself, she rests her face against the cold ugly glass and watches a dying a world awaken.

If only he knew. If only he knew she was coming to his rescue. If only he knew that one second after she let him go, she remembered the very thing that drove them together. She remembered that nobody out in the world can give her what she truly needs. For what she is and what she needs is only half complete. The puzzle completes when the other half comes; and that was him. She forgot that and let loose her boy.

Without him, she stood alone. Yes, she was still strong and at the top of her world. But, without a loyal subject, of what value is her throne? Her epiphany came suddenly. She has no soul, no existence, no life without him. Nor can he exist without her. They were of one soul, of one mind, split in two bodies. Both yin and yang. Opposite sides of the same coin. A complete circle.

When she severed that, when got rid of him, she kept everything but her soul. Upon coming to fix it and pledge herself to him forever, she learned that her soul had died. Little did she know, he was now sitting next to her listening to her heart talk.

This time the Goddess herself comes before the lost soul. She asks him once again, if he wishes to follow her to an eternity of peace and love. He is told of how proud she is of him and how hard he worked to save her most cherished and treasured creatures. The Goddess’ best efforts are in vain as the soul maintains his hard position that he will not leave his love. He is hers and has no reason to otherwise be.

The Goddess looks him hard in the eye. She asks if this is truly his wish. She wants him to confirm that what he wants is to be forever joined with her. He begs with such zeal and with overwhelming emotion, that the Goddess relents. She agrees to give him his wish.

But, she hates him for it. The Goddess frowned, looked down on the withering soul, turned her eyes briefly toward the forlorn woman, and everything changed. You could not see it really but anybody present would have felt a shift in something ethereal. It was just a moment as it was if a demon had passed through the room.

He turns toward his woman and hoped the Goddess would grant his wish. Then, in horror, he saw that she did. The woman was dying. Her grief, her sadness, her total emptiness, caused the woman to just let go of her life. He watched the body slowly become lifeless, and sink to the floor. As the realization of the outcome of his selfish greed overcomes him beyond breaking, the last droplets of life leave her form. He looked in her eyes, pleading with her to not let go. But, she did.

Their souls joined and again, as before, they were one. They rejoiced. But, only for a short moment in time; if time at all matters to a lost soul.

The Goddess came back with little fanfare and no notice. The two lost souls found themselves ripped from their embrace. She said it was time to go. He smiled knowing that eternal peace and happiness shall await them both as now they are joined and live as one.

Imagine his surprise when The Goddess told him “no”. He would not be allowed to follow his woman into eternity. He reminded them of his good deeds and how he had performed to their expectations. Of course, he also reminded the Goddess of the promise of entry. Now, that they were together, why were they being denied eternity together.

And then he was reminded. “You wanted to give her your soul”, the Goddess began. “You had to give her all of you. You recognized she had none without yours and that together both she and you would be fullfilled. In a sense, you were right. Yours were one soul torn between two people. When she left you, she gave up her soul and you, my darling boy, protected it for the both of you.”

“But, instead of being the true giver of love and peace to your Love, you got selfish. You were afraid to be alone. You did not want peace, freedom and happiness. You wanted to join your two souls. Death of the body was the means you used to free yours so that I could join her in life. But, to grant the wish you requested, she instead lost her life. There was no other way.”

“In your petty moment of selfish weakness, you took a rose from the garden of life. You forced us to remove a most wonderful and cherished being. Her physical being was so kind and good. She was a nurturer, a healer, an educator.” “You”, the Goddess hissed, “are a sniveling whining no good loser and are unworthy to spend eternity with your Love.”

With that, the Goddess took the newly joined soul of the woman off with her to eternity. What was left of him, was abandoned to the darkness forever. At least his wish came true. He gave her his soul and now she was truly free.

The end