By Mark David Blum, Esq.

I have never set foot in a military court room nor have I ever dealt with the Uniform Code of Military Justice. In fact, the closest I have ever come to military courts is having testified once and from watching Jack Nicholson’s majestic proclamation that “you can’t handle the truth” and how he is a hero for standing that wall.

But I do know there are some fundamental differences between how justice in the military is resolved when compared to civilian courts. First and foremost, in civilian courts, the defendant has rights. There is the right to remain silent, to counsel, to evidence, and their jurors come from the larger body politic. While a defendant in a military trial is guaranteed certain rights and protections, the system itself is unlike its’ civilian counterpart in protection of the larger questions at issue.

It seems to me that a military court is limited in scope and thought to the military. Though they may try a civilian issue, like routine criminal acts, the prosecutor and defense attorney and judge and jury are all military. They talk military and use military process and procedures. Without a doubt, the courts are likewise run with military efficiency; both efficiently and SNAFU.

A rare opportunity befell a regular author on this site. I will let him tell you in his own words. As he is blathering on about cheeseburgers, try and remember that civilian courts and their military counterparts each have very separate roles to play in society and address a specific constituency.

…. And without further ado:

’Judging Army’

By SFC Fat Pants

Well, recently here I was selected somehow to perform bailiff duties in a court martial. I was really thinking the job was going to suck, especially considering that I look like twenty pounds of shit in a ten pound gunny sack lately. I blame it on the fact that I quit smoking, but truth be told, I packed on twenty…okay, thirty pounds, because I kinda haven’t been working out in a few months, and McDonald’s puts crack in the dollar double cheeseburgers, I swear it!

Those fuckers just ain’t right, man! I could live on them indefinitely, or at least until the grease running down the palm of my hand, and the cheese/meat mushy middle clogs my aorta. God, I love it when they’re all gushy inside!

Anyhow, back to the court martial. Yeah, so once I had my dress uniform let out a bit, okay, a lot, thanks, now shut the fuck up about it, will you? I was the bailiff in a court martial. I was like, “cool, this’ll be a new experience, me in court, no lawyer to pay, and I get to walk away without a bleeding rectum.” Sweet, right?

The soldier being tried was a good enough kid. I’m really not at liberty to discuss what he was accused of. The army is real uptight about the spread of information, but let’s just say that the kid was an otherwise good guy who just did a very stupid thing.

“All rise!”

Yup that was me.

I wasn’t sure what to expect from the proceedings. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to be there after we delayed for four hours until the prosecutor got his paperwork straight, but I was impressed that the judge, in the interest of efficiency and fairness, allowed for the delay rather than postponing the trial for another date. I liked the idea that there would be an answer, good, bad, or otherwise that day. No waiting for weeks for a written decision. This is a guy who could have pulled rank and stomped a mud hole in the JAG lawyer’s asses, but he was calm and acted as an overseer of justice, not all smug and pissy as if he was going to miss tee time on the course with his cronies.

I have to say, including the delay, that everything about the trial was justice served. Not simply in the sense that the outcome was that the soldier was sent to confinement for what he was found guilty of, but that the judge made certain that both the prosecutor and defense attorney had all of their ducks in a row, the entirety of the case was presented concisely, dramatics were kept to a minimal, and that the process was efficient and professional.

The judge was just. I was impressed. What else can I say?

Well, a lot actually, but is it safe? I’m walking on thin ice.

I’m thinking one of the reasons that the process of the trial was so smooth was because the defense and prosecuting attorneys were Army officers, hence they are salaried, therefore feeding their kids or fat assess, or fat assed kids for that matter, was not an issue. There was no ill will between them. It was “strittly bidness, yo.” Their entire concern was to simply present the best cases possible, and have the judge determine what or if violations of the law in fact had occurred, and to pass sentence as he deemed fair in accordance with past precedent and law.

I can tell when someone is winging things, but like Forrest Gump said, “that’s all I’ve got to say about that.”

This military judge, on the other hand, seemed to me that his authority was not only derived from his rank and position, but from a good old fashioned ability to think with a focused open mind and not one predisposed to faulty thinking or personal prejudices. Honestly now, it wouldn’t be overly difficult to see the inferences here to another judge in my life, but on the real, I could not help but to see that this was the dude I wished was overseeing my situation. In fact, I asked him if he could.

He just smiled and walked away. I guess that’s all I could expect of him. I already knew the answer he’d give and he knew that. It was mostly my way of paying him a compliment, and I'm also certain he knew that as well. I didn’t feel as if I had been a witness to a dirty affair. I didn’t feel as if anyone...I don’t know what to say. I didn’t feel as if anyone had been used or abused, maybe? I knew that a good decision had been reached fairly, and that a matter of justice had been handled with care. I haven’t seen the military do much right in the past few years, but I must say that our justice system is sure whooping the tail of our civilian court counterparts.