By Sgt. First Class Matthew A. Comini

(SFC Comini is shortly to leave on his fourth tour of duty in the Middle East).

I am now thirty seven years old. In these thirty seven years I’ve lived nearly eighteen of them in service to the United States Army. In my very first year of service I learned that newbies and short timers die. In the last two weeks I’ve had this to mull over in my head. For the next six months I will have this to consider: I made it out as a newbie, now I’m a short timer.

My boy ‘vedo-P was a short timer. The IED that turned him inside out didn’t give a fuck about his wife, his kids, or the fact that he was passed his eligibility date to retire.

As far as soldiers go, I’m old. I can’t move as fast as I once did. The spring of youth in my step has been replaced with more –itises than the medics have pills for. My attitude is bad. I’ve heard incoming rounds so many times now, that the last time I was deployed I wouldn’t even bother to get out of the rack. “The fucking thing is either going to get me or not.” But I still don’t like it whenever someone jumps out to scare me.

That’s bad. I know it.

I mean really, what better story could CNN ask for than “the guy who finally got all his shit together, was ready to retire, then BOOM, a big fucking mortar round strapped to a mule cart takes his ass out?” Classic sob story: a perfect irony for the press.

I read a story about a young female medic who was awarded the Silver Star and then returned to the rear because regulation forbids her serving as forward as she was. They say she could mix it up with the rest of her male counterparts, but I have to wonder. We all are familiar with Joan of Arc, Savior of France and all, but she was the exception to the rule and maybe so too was the medic.

Women have babies. Were I a woman I think I’d maybe have one, but after that agony was over, there wouldn’t be a swinging dick within ten feet of my coochie. Fuck that shit!

Women are tough, hell they have babies like I said and we all know, plus they put up with men who typically act like babies, so mentally they must be hard as nails too, but physically they lack the mass, the bulk, the muscle in most cases that a front line fighter needs. Can they be pilots? Hell yes! Can they drive the biggest baddest machines we have to offer? Hell yes! Can they hump a hundreds pounds of gear and guns indefinitely on a patrol? Not usually. But again I say in fairness, there are exceptions. There are, too, many men who cannot do the same.

Maybe there should be a test of some sorts where regardless of being male or female all persons would be held to the exact same standards. No adjusted number of repetitions or run times based on sex as the Physical Fitness Test is now. Then, on top of that, load them up with all the gear and send them on their ways. See what happens on a test track.

“You pass…you’re good, welcome to front line eligibility.” “You fail…nice try, thank you for your effort, but you may wish to consider one of these other fine options.”

The glitch of such an idea is this: the bad guys we are up against are demented. They behead and torture and blow people up for reasons most folks can’t fathom. Is America ready to see her first female soldier come back an amputee from Iraq? Guys have been getting fucked up ever since the first rock was thrown by battling cavemen, but let it happen to a woman and see the public response.

Ahem…Jessica Lynch…

No sir, we weren’t ready for that shock and awe. And in reality not much even happened to her. Wait until a sick freak like Zarqawi video tapes himself raping and torturing a “little Ms. Infantry, from Podunk, Nowhere”, that will be the test of our ability to stomach females in combat action. It’s inevitably going to happen. Equal opportunity is a double edged sword, and too often we palm its handle only to forget that its point and blade conduct the most wicked of business.

So alas, another inevitability will be this: the old adage, “newbies, and short timers die”, would be amended to include women. Are you ready America? I mean really, put it this way, how many women are in the NFL? There’s a reason that does not require much explanation. Strategy and equipment will play their parts, however ill substitutes remain for bigger, faster and stronger when battle is stripped down to its brawling essence.