By Mark David Blum, Esq.

(As intended to be delivered at the funeral).

As a Jew, every time I set foot inside a church and especially when I take to the pulpit, I always have to keep checking over my shoulder because I worry about being struck with lightening.

I insisted on coming up here today because unlike almost every one of you, I am not a member of the family, I am not an employee, I have no interest in the will, the estate, or the store. Sadly too I can barely call myself as a friend -- as Susie, Jim and my wife and I barely spent time together.

I am here for three reasons. One is because there are some things that need to be said here today. Second, I know things about Susie that I believe everybody should know before we walk off back to our lives. Finally, for purely selfish reasons, giving this eulogy helps me heal my own soul.

My relationship with Susie and Jim goes back 14 years or about the time they opened the Wild Orchid and I was President of the Manlius Chamber of Commerce. I was able to have a relationship with Susie like few enjoyed. Her nastiness didn’t bother me. Being snippy and a perfectionist were talents I admired in a business owner. Owning a business is not a popularity contest nor a democracy and I unlike few, understood why she behaved as she did. Like everything Susie ever touched, the Wild Orchid blossomed and bloomed. I guess her gruffy approach was the fertilizer that grew a strong business.

One habit engrained in the minds and hearts of a Jew is the concept called a “mitzvah”. Hard to define, it roughly translates to being a good deed. It is taught to us early that when someone is hurt or hospitalized or sick or in pain, that you stand up and offer yourself in friendship and support. Be they friend or foe, it is almost a moral obligation of every Jew to stand up for an ailing fellow human being.

When I heard that Susie was struck with that horrible disease, we reconnected and had many intimate and private conversations. I made it my business to see her often at the hospital and my family and I were always available for help. Once, someone commented that the reason I was visiting Susie so much at the hospital was because her and I must have been having an affair. It made for a few yucks but I was very offended.

Last night at the showing at the funeral home, after I said my ‘goodbyes’ to Susie, I went over to her husband who suddenly broke down and cried in my arms for a long time. Being he is now totally alone with his nearest family 2,500 miles away, I guess my appearance at the showing was the straw and it all came rushing out. We ended up with me kneeling in front of him and he crying on my shoulder. He said “oh so you are going to get on your knees for me?” I responded that now people will know I was coming to the hospital, not because I was having an affair with his wife, but with him.” His sudden outburst of a loud belly laugh told me that my job there was done. I will never be able to fill the void he feels in his life today, but for a moment, I reminded him that one day he will again laugh and feel alive. I also offered to stay with him the rest of the evening – looking around, I said “the crowd looks Greek to me.” Another laugh, another back pat, and a promise to see each other again; I walked slowly off.

Jim, you are not alone. You never have been. It is no secret that Susie called you every name in the book, insulted criticized abused and belittled you at every turn every day of your 22 years. I was always impressed at your devotion to her in face of these constant attacks. Thank god for beer, eh?

It is also no secret … Let me tell you Jim, that in her last days and in my private conversations with Susie, there was only one thing that mattered to her. You, Jim.

“I want my honey” was all that Susie would say whenever you weren’t around. In her last days at the hospital, we would all laugh as she watched the clock and tell us how many minutes until her “honey” was coming. One day the medications had her arguing with me and Yanoosh accusing us of setting the clock back one hour and nineteen minutes. Jim, I know and tell you that as sure as the sun is up today, Susie loved you with all her heart. Nothing was more important to her than your safety and comfort. She even made me promise to look out for you after today; like I have time to babysit.

A dear friend showed me a passage that I think worthy of mentioning here:

The Beauty of Death
By: Kahlil Gibran

Let me sleep, for my soul is intoxicated with love and
Let me rest, for my spirit has had its bounty of days and nights;
Light the candles and burn the incense around my bed, and
Scatter leaves of jasmine and roses over my body;
Embalm my hair with frankincense and sprinkle my feet with perfume, And read what the hand of Death has written on my forehead.
Let me rest in the arms of Slumber, for my open eyes are tired;
Let the silver-stringed lyre quiver and soothe my spirit;
Weave from the harp and lute a veil around my withering heart.

Sing of the past as you behold the dawn of hope in my eyes, for
It's magic meaning is a soft bed upon which my heart rests.

Dry your tears, my friends, and raise your heads as the flowers
Raise their crowns to greet the dawn.
Look at the bride of Death standing like a column of light
Between my bed and the infinite;
Hold your breath and listen with me to the beckoning rustle of
Her white wings.

Come close and bid me farewell; touch my eyes with smiling lips.
Let the children grasp my hands with soft and rosy fingers;
Let the aged place their veined hands upon my head and bless me;
Let the virgins come close and see the shadow of God in my eyes,
And hear the echo of His will racing with my breath.

In Susie, I had a true friend. We were never confidantes and rarely if ever spoke. But our communications were always precise, succinct, and beneficial to both. She was generous to a fault even giving us work when we were hungry. Susie opened her house and her pool for my family and gave my daughter wife and I some very cherished memories. Of course there was Jim too but … oh nevermind.

Other friends of mine, in discussing passing from the life, have very different ideas about what is next. One says that if you stick your hand in a bucket of water, swish it around very hard, you will see the water splashing and sloshing around. The moment you take your hand from the bucket, the waters calm and you would never know of the chaos of the moment before. He extrapolates that as being the meaning of life. When you are here, he postulates, you create the swishing about and splashing of water. But then he says, upon your death, “life” goes on as though you never existed.

I cannot accept that theory. I much prefer to believe in my heart, and agree with the words of my wife Jackie, “anybody who suffers as much as did she must go right into the hands of God.” Just because the waters are no longer being parted by Susie’s presence, that hardly precludes her having indeed stirred up the waters. Her soul, her history, her presence and personality, are forever burned into the hearts and memories of those of us gathered here today and beyond. The waters will never be calmed, though Susie is no longer swirling about us. Her watermark is forever upon my own heart and soul.

When I was 8 years old, my mother’s father died and I was told I was too young to go to the funeral; which broke my heart. When my father’s mother died, I called the house where she was and asked if they needed help to which I was told, “no, we just want family here.” My father died in May of last year and I am not allowed to know where he is buried and never got a chance to say good bye.

Perhaps by my standing up here today I selfishly heal my own wounds and use your precious time to do so. I would like to think that this is one more gift from Susie to me that makes me part of the person I am today.

The last stanza of that same poem:

Leave me then, friends - leave me and depart on mute feet,
As the silence walks in the deserted valley;
Leave me to God and disperse yourselves slowly, as the almond
And apple blossoms disperse under the vibration of Nisan's breeze.
Go back to the joy of your dwellings and you will find there
That which Death cannot remove from you and me.
Leave this place, for what you see here is far away in meaning
From the earthly world. Leave me.

Susie also was privileged by God to show me first hand what my own future looks like. I don’t mean that lung cancer awaits me from my smoking. I learned first hand from Susie the strength energy and courage that a human being can find well beyond what people believe tolerable. So strong was her will to live, that all of us who saw her in her last days, were amazed at the spirit of life that ran through her veins. Though she suffered so and endured treatment and pain no dog should feel. But now she is at peace, and for that, I too find comfort.

From everything Susie taught me and showed me of herself, I can think of no better words she would tell you if she could speak to us today

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
all filled with tears for me,

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
and each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too.

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
and said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.
But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
and all the fun we had

If I could re-live yesterday
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne.

He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times
You did some things
You knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.